muse?
don't be so fucking insulting. i was a fucking child.

one can muse over a photo, over a fucking noun. how is this a compliment? if you could just see me as a person, and not a reflection of your own fucked up identity. i was never as smart, beautiful, or complicated as you made me.
all your pretty words were oh so impressive when i was too young to know better. and now? it's nice, i guess, but i don't take it personally. do you know anything real about me? did you ever take the time to try?

sure, i can be your fucking muse, just don't expect anything in return.

you haven't earned it.

rant:
dear young girls: older guys don't go after certain teenage girls because they are vastly more mature than their peers. they go after them because they have tits. because they are more easily impressed with pathetic, desperate adult men than women are. they go after them because of their lack of maturity.

and every time you talk about how old you feel, how distant you feel from your highschool classmates, how in touch you feel with your waste of life boyfriend. you just make yourself look like a fucking moron.

"I AM SO DEEP, LOOK AT MY SULKING WEBCAM PHOTOS. I FEEL UGLY, AND I AM FUCKED UP ENOUGH TO SLEEP WITH YOU. GET ME NOW, BEFORE I BECOME AN INTELLECTUAL THREAT."

and ok, ok. i get it. i was 15 and stupid once too. i have the embarrassing diaries to prove it. i cut myself and told my doctors it was because i understood the world "too much" i was just too smart, you see? jesus christ. i was a moron. and like all these other too-wise-for-their-years i was probably much less mature than the kids who had actual friends and normal social lives.

ok, so i'll let you off the hook for the same reasons you don't seriously punish a toddler for touching the stove. it's stupid, but it's part of growing up.

so, pathetic, opportunistic adults of the world- WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH YOU? yeah, assholes, i'm not looking the other way when it comes to you dumbfucks. did kids make fun of you in highschool? aww, i'm so sorry, you pathetic waste of space!!! did teenage girls overlook you when you were, you know, young enough to still date them? THATS BECAUSE YOU WERE A FUCKING SAD, PATHETIC REJECT. you are not a toddler with a burned hand, you are a 17 year old who sets himself of fire trying to reinact a scene from jackass. you go right ahead and burn to death. you have no one to blame, you should have known better.

my mother always told me, "boys are just people"
she would say "they are not from another planet, they are not impossible to understand. they are just people."

and i believed it- and i want to believe it. i refuse to give up, and just scrap my faith in half of the human race, but sometimes it's hard. sometimes, when they use gender as an excuse for being stupid, it's hard not to become a lesbian by choice. as a fellow member of the human race- I EXPECT MORE FROM YOU! don't give me excuses based on your gender- FUCK YOU! don't tell me to expect the same from all other men, don't make them shoulder your weakness.

you should know better. do you hear that, world? you could be so much better than this. from now on i'm raising my standards. for everything.

all i want in the whole world-
i just want to be able to respect someone. is that so much to ask?