it's amazing the things a person can just refuse to see. today i was trying to understand why i am so uncomfortable with a certain sexual act. not uncomfortable like 'not for me', but 'i can't deal with this. this isn't happening.' type of uncomfortable. it's a form of sexualized semi-violence that isn't that big of a deal unless it happens to you with no warning. we're not talking someone taking out their hate on another person, were talking along the lines of being called a slut, and liking it. so, i thought to myself, has this act ever happened to you in a sexual context. and then suddenly, bright as day, was a series of events that happened between myself (age 7) and a kid of a friend of a family friend (age 15/16) and how obvious it is to me now that it was sexual abuse. and in 17 years this thought never really went through my mind. and i don't know what that says about me.

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