i miss having the computer. the wotr boards are blocked at work. i miss reading people's diaries. i don't have enough time to read them all now. i miss being able to find someone to talk to at 3am when i can't sleep. in the middle of the night i wake up, and i'm just so lonely. i live in a big, empty apartment. i never see my friends. i don't work with other people. i talk to them on the phone, but that's all. the people i call hate me. right away, as soon as i say 'hello' they hate me. as always, i'm getting less and less shifts. i'm starting to think this is just their way of telling me that i suck at my job. that i always suck at my job no matter what it is. that they don't want to fire me, but they don't want me to work for them anymore.

i'm broke. really, really broke. i have no idea how i'm going to pull off the whole greece thing. a few days back i read the travel insurance thingy and freaked out. i came up with a plan to break my leg to get the money for the tickets back. i was planning to go to the library and find out the best way to break a bone. looking for my hammer. just completely insane. at some point it hit me how crazy this all was, and then i sat down and cried, and cried, and cried. everything was upsetting. my doctor has moved so i can't just walk there if i loose it again. i couldn't pay for therapy if i needed it. blah. just a bad night.

since then things have been great. really. i'll say more tomorrow. mary and brian came in a little while ago. brian is in from toronto. i think mary wants to get rid of me. bye,

~amy~