springtime. the crocuses i planted in the fall are starting to come up. yellow, and purple, and white. i am excited to see them. i hope the early morning snow won't kill them. the green of the daffodils and tulips is showing, too. i can't wait to start going on bike rides. springtime makes me so happy. i am wandering around downtown in my kneesocks and summer dresses, even though it's still too damn chilly. spring makes me optimistic. everything seems possible. the world is there for me to travel, hot people are there for me to date, new jobs are waiting for me to apply. i wish i felt like this all of them time. or even a good chunk of the time. mostly i feel overwhelmed, and lost, and worthless. i want to keep this spring feeling with me. i'm going to put my laundry out on the line tomorrow. i'm going to open all the windows, and go clean up the back yard. i'm going to bike to the park and read outside in the fresh air, instead of in my stuffy, dusty livingroom. i have a roommate moving in next month. this is frightening and exciting. she is as strange and shy, and awkward as me. this could work out well, or it could be a horrible mistake. we will see. i'm almost looking forward to it- yay spring optimism! i will get whole lots of naked kitchen dancing done this month, before i loose the ability to. i will prance around dressed like a rock star, and i will talk to myself a lot, make a big mess, and have loud sex all over the apartment. yay. now april has to be good. and may i will become older, and i will still be in ottawa, but it won't be so bad. it won't kill me. amy.

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