right now i feel like mismatched socks. or like i'm jumping double dutch. i am loosing it all. i am moving on. it's really happening. this is one of those moments- tumbling around inside a crashing car- when you know that life is happening. that you have thrown out that old future. the one you wrote about in some tenth grade diary. i feel exhilarated. i feel devastated. i am going to be just fine. everything is going to be just fine. i wish it was a little warmed. i want to play hockey on the little rink in the park. i want to go on walk, late at night, and see how quiet everything is. it's so quiet in the winter. everything seems to slow to a crawl. when i was younger i use to spend a lot of time thinking about people who froze to death. they said that as people started to freeze, they would feel hot and strip from their clothes. they would lie down, peacefully, and go to sleep. the whole image read in my mind like a fairytale. glistening ice all around- the pale naked body of a girl wandering through the trees. snowflakes on her eyelashes. her lips blue. how quiet it would be. it would feel like a painting. like a dream. i'd think of her curled up, and becoming as still as the forest. as still as the winter. asleep. forever. and gradually covered in a blanket of snow. and with that, i am gone again. no more living for amy today. i'm back in my head again.

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